Thus says the LORD,
Who gives the sun for a light
by day,
And the ordinances of the
moon and the stars for a
light by night,
Who disturbs the sea,
And its waves roar
(The LORD of hosts is His name)
Jeremiah 31:35
I realize when I write I so desperately want what I am trying to say to come out perfect, that I find myself focusing less on what I want to get across and more on how I express what I want to say. I am finding that the best way for me to express what I want to say is in the simplest form. I need not feel overwhelmed by how I tell a story if what I am after is to be understood.
What I want in writing this blog is to communicate what I have to say in a way for everyone who reads this to see how great Jesus is. Not that I am important and feel some call that by sharing my life with you is the best way to show Jesus, but rather I love Jesus and I want that to be expressed to you all in what you read on this blog. Be that in stories about me or others, fiction, songs, pictures, etc.
I remember singing a song in Sunday school when I was little and part of lyrics read something like this:
My God is so great,
so strong and so mighty,
there is nothing my God
cannot do!
We would sing this song faster and faster until we could not keep up with one another, and the words would mix incoherently together and then we would end. We would end singing this song happy and joyful because this was fun. There was never a question in me that what we were singing was false. To me God was great, God was strong, and God was SO mighty.
Here I sit at my computer, a twenty eight year old, remembering back and still there is no question in me as to whether those words are untrue. Because those words are true. I have had many failings while I have had breathe in my lungs, but the LORD in the midst of that remains GREAT. I am tired of losing sight of this reality because I focus on what to me seems SO VERY DIFFICULT.
I have been reading and studying the book of Acts, and I just finished Acts 9 about the conversion of Saul. How amazing the Lord is that He takes Saul who was persecuting people of the Way--Jesus, the Way, the Truth, and the Life--and chooses him to share the gospel with gentiles, kings, and the children of Israel. What questions and agony must have been going through Saul's mind as he prayed during those three days he was blind in Damascus before Ananias laid his hands on Saul. BUT what mercy and grace Saul received from Jesus, and what good news of now knowing the promise of God had been fulfilled and brought about in Jesus!
The Lord is good (all the time), and despite our failings He still reaches out to us, and says, "Turn away. Focus on me. Step into what I have for you."
This is my prayer, that I continue to look to Jesus as I move forward. That my past failings do not hinder me, or keep me from dealing with the present. That my focus on God is a daily, moment by moment, step by step walk, and not on a future that feels overwhelming, or a past that looks broken and hurt.